Katie Phelps

I am a pretty positive person. I tried to look on the bright side of most things, but to be completely honest, there is one thing that I just really do not enjoy at all — “that time of the month.” (Men, if you don’t want to know any more about this topic, feel free to stop reading now) So of course it’s not the best days in the world and I hate it, complain and whine most of the time… (and if you are trying to get pregnant, its even worse) So one day, while I was having a particularly bad day at work because of “woman pain” my friend sent me this letter in an e-mail and it just made me giggle.

Even if you no longer need this product, the letter is a hoot!
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company
Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It’s PC Magazine’s 2007 editors’
choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer’s monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these
words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you [stinkin'] kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

(I did edit it just a little bit…) Anyway. After I read this I had to just laugh. Is it really that bad? Always is trying really hard with their current tag line, and I think it’s probably important to remember, it’s really not that bad. Have a happy period!

Yesterday morning, I went outside to start my car.  We don’t have a garage, so it had a little bit of frost on the windows and I thought a few minutes with the defroster running would be just perfect.  So I take out the key and stick it in the door and turn…but it wouldn’t turn.  Odd, I thought.  So I tried a little harder and it turned.  So I turned the car and and swung the door closed and it hit closed, then instantly bounced back open.  Something is definitely wrong.  So I tried to close the door again, this time following it with my hand and it wouldn’t close.  I looked at the little hook thing (yes, I know a lot about cars) that makes the door closed and couldn’t figure out what was wrong, so I left the door ajar and went inside.  I told Bryan I broke the car, made a sad face and told him I was really really sorry and asked him to come see if he could fix it.  Like the fabulous husband he is, he put his coat on and went to take a look at it.  After we played with the door a little bit, we both concluded it couldn’t be fixed before we had to be at work (we were both already late anyway).  So I went inside and got some masking tape and tried to tape the door closed, but it was too cold to actually stick.  So Bryan took me to work and we just left the door open a little bit.

Later that day, my friend Andrea brought me home from work.  I knew that I had to see if I could get the door fixed because we really don’t need that car to break right now.  So I played with the little hook thing again then closed the door and it closed!  I fixed it!  HORRAY!  As soon as Bryan got home though, we did a little more investigating and discovered that it had frozen open earlier and it wasn’t broken at all.  It was just stickin’ cold!